June 20, 1984, thirty-four years ago, I was adopted by my stepfather in the Madison County, Indiana court chambers of Judge Carroll.

Beginning that day, with the bang of Judge Carroll’s gavel, I legally became Darin Lee Jolliffe-Haas.

With that pronouncement, my new sister, Autumn Haas, leaned forward with, “Now, you are officially a Haas’ ass!”

Each of my sons received the same pronouncement upon their finalization.

Physically, I am 53 years old.

Legally, I am 34 years old.