Last Friday, I learned the three boys I was hoping to adopt decided they did not wish to leave their friends, and foster family. I knew this was a possibility, but the final realization was a little sad. In many ways, it feels as though I am temporarily enduring an emotional miscarriage after spending several weeks feeling like an expectant mother waiting for the doctor to tell her if there is a heart beat, or not. But, as Pat Hill, director of the agency, always says, and as I tell the prospective parents in the adoption classes I teach: you receive the children you are meant to have.
The weekend was very low key. I taught a class at the adoption agency, Friday evening, looking into the hopeful eyes of adults who are wanting to have the blessings of parenthood I’ve known. Saturday and Sunday were merely days for relaxing with books, documentaries, movies and walks around the neighborhood.
Here it is the start of a new week. A busy, busy week with four musicals to see, my son’s birthday, tons of teaching and preparing students for middle school solo & ensemble contest on Saturday, and numerous auditions. Quintin’s birthday treat is MARY POPPINS at Schuster Center.
The frustrations have been in the smaller things:
- Sunday, the lawn mower died – time for a new one
- the weed eater broke but I fixed it
- the leaves were still damp and the wind worked against me
- Monday morning, as I prepare to leave to search for a new lawn mower (using finds set aside for a new car) the car would not start – Quintin had not fully shut his car door
- the mechanic was sent to Trent Arena at the high school, next door
- he came with equipment to unlock a car door… sigh
- finally, he got the battery revived and the car started
- $35 and 45 minutes later I am finally sitting in Lowes’ parking lot.
I am rearranging the pattern of the past several days and owning them, myself. I refuse to dissolve into “oh, woe is me.” I am better than that.
From DLJH’s iPhone
“Make it a great day!”