10. “I hope her retirement finances are in order”

9. “Here comes Cruise — hide the couch!”

8. “Hey, wasn’t she ten pounds lighter in the first half of this show?”

7. “Ready for a 48-hour retrospective of my most cloying moments?”

6. “Should we take up a collection for Stedman?”

5. “What kind of a name is ‘Oprah’?” (Oops, that was a thing overheard during Oprah’s first show)

4. “I always knew she would outlast the end of the world”

3. “This is more applause than Letterman gets in a year”

2. “One down, Dr. Phil to go”

1. “Woooo!”